Called. Ran. Surrendered.

CCMC member Alicia Tan shares her journey - with stumbling blocks along the way - towards serving in church. Today, she chairs the church communications ministry.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10 NIV

Members of the CCMC Communications Committee: (L-R) Kenneth Koh, PIC David Gwee and Alicia Tan. Not in picture: Michelle Han.

Are there times when you feel like God is speaking to you directly, albeit through someone else?

For me, it happened during a Sunday service in September 2022 at Covenant Community Methodist Church (CCMC). Pastor-in-charge David Gwee’s sermon was on the book of Jonah, about his personal journey towards serving, and how he had tried to run away till he was pulled back.

I could have imagined it but I thought Pastor David looked right at me while delivering his sermon. And it felt like God had a message for me right there and then.

It was surreal.

Just a week ago, I had declined to take on the role of communications chairperson in our Local Church Executive Committee.

A month before that, I had similarly declined the role.

Over the 20 years I had been worshipping at CCMC, I had declined opportunities to lead. I was very comfortable contributing in what I thought was enough: writing occasionally and editing for the church magazine.

I was also already serving in other roles and organisations, and happily serving in the background.

In 2012, I retired from corporate life to spend more time with our daughters, Annette and Amelia. We had discovered that Amelia is dyslexic and I was anxious to get her ready for primary school the following year. I made a pact with God: I will endeavour to give back and use my time meaningfully.

The calls then came in quick succession. From my daughters’ school Methodist Girls’ School to serve in the parents’ support group. From church to serve in Sunday School and on the church magazine. From my neighbourhood committee to serve in grassroots. From my daughters’ sport of ice skating to serve on their board. From Dyslexia Association of Singapore to serve on their board and on sub-committees such as fundraising and programmes.

I felt I could not say no to these calls, although these roles were on top of my job at my husband’s business, the one that pays the bills.

My husband also started serving in church: on the main church choir, men’s choir, gospel choir and the Mandarin Ministry.

And so I thought it was quite enough. It was time to put my foot down and say no. Even if the “no” was to God.

Truth be told, not all the roles sparked joy. I was already feeling very discouraged by the negative actions of a few parents I had encountered in one of my roles. While I have always been thankful that generally, I work with really good people and meet kindred spirits, I was somewhat drained at that point. In fact, I was contemplating stepping down from one or two roles.

So I ran. This was a call I had no energy to take.

I told the then communications chair Goh Eck Kheng, who had served faithfully for many years, that we would need to find someone else who can take it on. His response was simply “to pray and look”.

Until the Sunday of 25 September 2022.

The prompting was unmistakable. For many years, I had sometimes lamented that I wished God could give me clearer guidance and answers. That morning as I was seated in the auditorium listening to PIC's sermon, His message was so very clear: it was time for me to step up and do more. I was among many fellow church members but I felt He was speaking to me alone. The air-conditioning was cool but I felt strangely warm.

I tried to run again though.

When I walked out of the auditorium, the sceptic in me took over. I was convinced I would not be able to handle it all and would not have enough resources to do it well. I was having second thoughts and the proverbial cold feet.

The first person I bumped into upon leaving the auditorium was our Lay Leader Leslie Wong. I shared with him the feeling of being called, but also my doubts and concerns. He simply said, “God will provide.”

I decided to put that to a test. Don’t judge me.

Our Korean ministry was resuming their on-site service the following week – after moving it online during COVID – and I needed to have a piece written on it. I would have to cover it myself if I was not able to find anyone to take it on. But as I was heading out, I bumped into Pastor Joheun Park, who leads the Korean Ministry. I asked if he knew of anyone who could cover the service. He immediately spoke to someone and got her to do just that.

I messaged Eck Kheng: “I should stop doing a Jonah right? Pastor’s sermon spoke to me.”

On 28 September 2022, I attended my first LCEC meeting and officially began serving on the Local Church Executive Committee of Covenant Community Methodist Church.

Over the following weeks, I put out a call for writers and contributors, and fellow church members responded.

God indeed provided.

Today, the CCMC communications committee comprises fellow church member Michelle Han, CCMC communications executive Kenneth Koh and me, together with PIC David Gwee. The team manages Loaves+Fishes, the online church magazine, as well as our social media channels and church communications materials. We are blessed with regular contributors and photographers.

This year marks 11 years of my serving in church, including three as communications chair. While I had, in a past season filled with self-doubt and fatigue, tried to run away from taking on more, God has put me firmly in my place and kept me grounded. Indeed, He provided me with a new season of hope, blessings, opportunities and renewed strength.

Just last month, my bible study group covered the book of Jonah. And I am reminded once again how He has called me to serve, how I must not lean on my own fallible understanding, and how He will guide me and empower me. That all I need is to be still, listen to Him and surrender.

And when He speaks, I consciously remind myself to tune out the sceptic in me. For I know He empowers me and will provide.

I have therefore stopped running away from His calls and prompting, and kept my pact with God. The only running I should do now is for fitness and health.

“We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.” Romans 12:6-8 NIV

If you are looking to serve in church, do consider joining the CCMC communications team as we are looking for volunteers and contributors. When you feel prompted and are able to resist any urge to run the other way, please reach out to me via WhatsApp or comms@ccmc.org.sg. Remember: God will provide.

Alicia, together with her husband Jonas and daughters Annette and Amelia, has been worshipping at CCMC since 2002.